Christmas is one of my favorite days in the year because everyone's happy and it's an excuse to do almost anything: That dress is too expensive? Buy it; it's Christmas! On a strict weight-loss diet? Eat your heart out; it's Christmas! Too torpe to admit your feelings? Go ahead and do it; it's Christmas! Want to blog again but can't find time? Just do it; it's Christmas! (Hello, me.)
This holiday season however is probably one of the loneliest that I can remember, primarily because it veered away from my traditions: it's already Christmas Day today, and I haven't had a reunion of sorts with any of my many groups of friends. As in not even a single one among my college friends, church friends, former and current work friends, etc. which is suprising and really foreign to me, because usually during this time of the year I'd already feel plump and bloated from too many Christmas lunches and dinners and all those in-betweens. I wasn't able to attend a couple of Christmas parties I've been invited to, because this month I was in Bali for a week and in Puerto Princesa for some days, and the dates of the parties coincided with my trips. But whatever. The point is, the Christmas air this year is kind of dry for me. Also, I was too busy this month that I wasn't able to make time to buy Christmas gifts!
Of course there are a couple of reasons why this year is different -- I have friends now working and living overseas and won't be back anytime soon, there are those that are already married and have made prior commitments with their partners and/or partners' families, some already have kids and have mommy/daddy duties, and there are those that have work stuff and are too exhausted to drive around for meetups. (Keeping it real though, I'm part of those in the last category.) It's so difficult to agree on schedules, one of my least favorite things about this entire #adulting thing.
Here's something about myself: I've changed. In a major kind of way. I cannot anymore tolerate non-value-adding conversations (OK, there are exceptions to this haha) and I've already kind of figured out the types of people I want to stay in my life and I tend to not be too friendly anymore to those that I want to keep my guard up with.
Which is probably the reason why I miss so many people this Christmas. My closest friends, the ones that I really, really want to stay in my life, are already starting their own families, currently somewhere else in the world living their dreams, extremely occupied with the daily grind of their careers, or have decided that I don't fit in their lives at this point. That is the sad (but empowering) truth of #adulting: the power to make your own choices and the obligation to respect when others make them, even if it's something that you don't like or expect.
Yet again, I know that real love and true friendship are not measured in whether or not you made time for a Christmas reunion. Or whether or not you gave them gifts. Or whether or not you talk to them everyday. I really, really miss my friends and I wish we can all agree on a schedule that's good for us to meet up -- even if it's after Christmas already. I know the Christmas air will be sweeter and warmer if I have my friends to share laughs and good old stories with. :)
By the way, my good friend, Steve passed by our house this morning to deliver gifts! Thank you so much, S!
Also, while I was about to post this, I realized I actually had one reunion with my MBA friends, Jon and Pirkko, aka the Ateneo Mafia of UP MBA 2013-xxxxx. (Because we're the only Ateneans in our MBA block in UP.) That dinner we had was the first time in my life that I heard about human hermaphrodites, which basically illustrates the kind of friendship that we have. So value-adding. Hahaha.
Merry Christmas, everybody! Expand the love that your heart can give, not only during Christmas, but in every single day of the year. <3